Missing you inexplicably
by Mazmaraz
Summary: What does it take to see, to understand, when your so close that everything you should notice just flies right by? How do you hold onto something you don't know is there? How do you grasp it in the first place? Why do I miss you when you aren't even gone?


Hey People. I've been feeling really bad about how *long* it's taking me to get anything up at all. I'm sorry, but the Digific seems to demand significant down time and is (*whispers* missing chapters) Editing is being done. As for Wishes Fishes, it leaves me flailing on the ground, but is progressing slowly. I cannot believe it's taking me so long.  
  
This small Taito snippet is from *somewhere*, and I'm putting it up just because the world needs more Taito. There's nowhere near enough.   
  
I hope enjoy it.  
  
Review if you want. It will, of course, be highly appreciated.  
  
Disclaimer: Dun own it. Real Bummed.  
  
~*~  
  
What does it take to see, to understand, when your so close that everything you should notice just flies right by? How do you hold onto something you don't know is there? How do you grasp it in the first place? Why do I miss you when you aren't even gone?  
  
~*~  
  
Missing you Inexplicibly  
  
~~~~~  
  
As I wrapped my jacket across my chest and shoved my hands underneath my arms in an attempt to fend off the cold, I noticed a certain familiar form curled up on the park bench with his head between his knees. From a distance I thought he was just shivering, but as I got closer I noticed he was rocking slightly and his hands clutched the sleeves of his shirt as his shoulders shook. His chest heaved for a second before he continued to rock.  
  
Disbelief at the thought of Taichi actually crying, especially in such a public place despite the late hour, prevented me from approaching him straight away.  
  
How was I supposed to deal with that? Taichi was always so strong. He never backed away. He never showed his pain. He never cried.  
  
I sat down on the edge of the bench, leaning down to talk to him. "What happened Tai?" I put a hand on his shoulder and tried to get him to sit up, but he pushed me away, blinking furiously and rubbing the heal of his hand across his eyes.  
  
Not quite sure whether it was embarrassment, or actually me, that was the reason for the rejection, I drew back and watched him instead.  
  
He seemed to compose himself after a few seconds and he turned to look at me with puffy red eyes and half a smile before his face crumpled again and he turned away.  
  
I tugged his arm to try and draw him into a hug, and for a minute I thought he was going to shove me away again. But then I had my arms full of sobbing Taichi, his face pressed against my neck, one arm around my waist, and the other clutching the front of my shirt.  
  
I held him for a few minutes before convincing him to come back to my place, wondering the entire time what on earth could make Taichi so upset.  
  
I gave him some warmer clothes to change into while I called his mum, then went back to the bedroom to find him curled up on the bed. He didn't want to talk to me, but seemed to have regained his composure so I didn't try to comfort him again. Instead, I forced him to eat some noodles, which seemed to cheer him up somewhat, and he laid down on the bed again, hugging the pillow.  
  
"Play me a song hey Matt."   
  
I picked my guitar up out of its case, sat down on the edge of the bed and out of habit, started playing the piece I'd been working. I closed my eyes as the music took over, thinking of Taichi's big brown eyes and how it had felt to be able to hold him earlier, knowing he probably wouldn't ever let me do that again in the near future. He wasn't a particularly touchy feely person and any contact at all generally involved a sudden excited hug or a slap on the back or sometimes he'd decide you'd make a good leaning post. This was probably the one and only time I'd ever seen him cry, and I was yet to discover what had caused it.  
  
I stopped playing when I heard Taichi sit up. I opened my eyes to see why he was leaving, only to find his great bush of hair underneath my nose as he looked down at the guitar.  
  
"Nah Matt, don't stop," he lifted his head, a spike of hair brushing across my cheek as he did so. "I was just going to ask if you minded if I stayed in here tonight."  
  
I nodded minutely as I tried to push down the welling excitement that had rushed through my veins at his close proximity "No it's ok."   
  
He smiled and dug his feet under the covers, snuggling down and closing his eyes. Picking up the guitar, I ignored my disappointment and began playing again.  
  
"That's a really nice song Yama." he mumbled, pulling the blanket up to his nose. "Whasset called?"  
  
Not bothering to answer, I started playing the chords again, trying to pick out the tune as well, when suddenly the words started coming. I grabbed the pen and paper off my side table and started writing. I played it back over and over, mumbling the words to see how they sounded before scribbling them down along with the chord changes. I crossed out, reworded and swapped around the sentences until I had fairly passable lyrics that I could work on over the next couple of days. Playing the song through one last time to make sure I remembered it, I watched Taichi beginning to snore softly and I wished he'd get upset more often. I smiled at the thought, knowing I'd never actually want it to come true and slid my guitar under the bed.  
  
I stared at him wistfully before shoving him over to make room on the bed and slid beneath the blankets. Turning my back to him, I listened to him grumble and shift around, adjusting his position and getting comfortable again. The bed was already warm and the heat I could feel coming from his body suddenly made me wonder if I should move out to the loungeroom tonight and leave him with the bed, but the cool air that washed over my skin as I lifted the blanket gave me second thoughts and I quickly pulled it down again.   
  
I concentrated on holding the song in my mind as I tried to ignore Taichi's soft breathing behind me. Tried to ignore his smell as it crept up my nose.  
  
I really liked making things difficult for myself, didn't I.  
  
I'd just have to hope he wouldn't care too much in the morning. 


End file.
